5 Easy Ways to Get Along with Family this Holiday



Division is not of God.

I have a friend who has been dreading the holiday season all year long because she and her mom aren't on speaking terms.  She doesn't want to be bothered with all the tension. When she finally realized skipping town may not be an option, I asked her if she'd consider letting God handle it. She said yes, but then explained how it's difficult, because her mom likes drama.  Oh boy, I thought.  This is a reality show I can relate to.

Unfortunately, I too have a family member who's not speaking to me - over an action she took against me that ended up hurting her as well.  Sigh.  This isn't the first time my sister has delivered the icy silent treatment.  It's just kind of her thing.  In the last go, the mortal enemy was my Mom, and my sister refused to talk to her for over two years - all the while attending church 3 or 4 days a week. Before that, it was my other sister. Then my brother. Then her daughter. A cousin.  The step-father.  Even my 92 year old grandmother has been on the receiving end this negativity. Control is her only goal.

And sometimes, it can be like that. You try to shrug it off, but the ones we love heap the pressure on like no one else, and all you can do is clean up your own mess, let God do the rest, and exhale.  As far as my sister's anger - I do what I can, pray away malice and put my confidence in Christ knowing by faith I'm blessed just being me.

In my work, I often counsel with believers who don't talk to family and haven't in years. While there have been some very serious situations, usually, it's one or two people keeping confusion in the family over years through simple misunderstandings. Sometimes that person is us.  After all, we ARE only human, and anyone can fall to hypocracy and wrong thinking. This is why it's important for every believer to learn about faith for themselves by reading scripture to renew their minds. It is this regular practice that helps us in the practical application of faith, so we build a relationship and seek the favor of God, not man.

I heard one of the women on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" say something like, if you can't be a friend, DON'T be the enemy. Like my girlfriend's mom, some people do love drama, and will work very hard to misunderstand and pretty much guarantee that no solution is found. Life is complicated enough! Sometimes there are no simple explainations, and no easy fixes. All we can do is let it go and know that God is in control. When I start to feel pressure, I remind myself that all I need to do is trust, forgive, be myself, and let the leash go. Joy is what we want more of in our lives, right?. Misery has enough company. Being empowered in the face of family pressure means keeping your confidence in Christ and aligning yourself with the peace found in the will of God.

Want to get along better with family AND keep your joy this holiday season? Here are a few ways to make God the star of your reality show.

1. Sing like you sing for a living. Play your favorite music while you're cleaning, working or preparing for the holidays - and sing out loud. Music keeps our energy and our spirits high. My favorite for the season is Vince Guaraldi's 'Charlie Brown Christmas' music.

2. Be authentic. Worship service is great to re-energize, and be sure to read scripture so it applies to your life. As a believer, you must read scripture to remain authentic in faith. A man can make his mouth say anything.  Many want nothing to do with exploring their own spirituality because they see the actions of humans who are poor representations of faith. We can't just count on the words and actions of other people to learn about faith. The only way to get skills with faith tools and a better relationship with God is to read the Word for yourself.
3. Have some integrity already. When dealing with family of any age, be the one who sets a positive example - one that can be trusted, decisive, and respected - not the one who is always starting a mess or bringing negative energy to family events.
4. Respect: Give it, command it, receive it.  For me, worship is about giving honor to God, and professing the willingness to embrace and encourage another in spirit and in truth. People are what make a family come alive, and that includes a church family. If you believe, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. There is power in the name of Jesus for those who believe and call upon it. This is the inspiration behind my most recent books,  'A Woman of Purpose' and 'The God in Me Project'.  It's the brilliant way Jesus had with people that inspires me. Anyone, a woman or a man can always find a friend in him. When I read the Word and check myself in the mirror - the lessons inspire blessings.   Jesus wanted us to love one another and to treat people as we would like to be treated. My poetry works aspire to inspire women of all ages to do exactly this.

5. Have compassion and be decisive. The more we read scripture, the more our prayers and actions become a flow. Compassion grows in our thoughts and these become words that turn into actions or creations that change the world. No matter what, I have hope that someday my sister and I can repair our relationship. I pray to always let compassion, and not the past, make my decisions.

Prayer, honesty and humility can help us to put aside our differences so that tidings of comfort, peace and joy can become a reality. Just play your part. Be grateful for the little things that count but can't be counted and enjoy the family you are a big part of. Remember: By grace, you're blessed just being you. 

This year, give the gift of inspiration.

Purchase 'A Woman of Purpose' and 'The God in Me Project' via the website: 

www.arkayevans.com.

By Grace I’m Blessed Just Being Me

"It is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2: 8-9

The trial was long,

A thousand days-

And then I fixed my mouth to say

how tired I was of using my brain,

And sick of all this neck pain,

Until I remembered

The human family members

who have lost the use of their right minds

Gone totally insane,

And then I started to nod and agree,

I just can’t STAND those lima beans,

Until I remembered

There are human family members

Who don’t have a choice of which food to eat,

Not like me,

In the home of the free.

I’m blessed that I don’t starve in my sleep,

Or freeze out there on the cold concrete,

And if I want, I can walk to the kitchen,

And fix me something good to eat,

I am far too blessed to think defeat,

Love owns all of me, not lack,

Not this pain in my injured back,

The children are healthy and strong, in fact,

Pursuing the wealth of higher education,

Not one more child

in a game called crack,

By heaven’s grace

My diligent faith will fight,

And never fear defeat,

For I know by grace that I am blessed,

By grace I’m blessed, just being me.

Copyright © 2011 Arkay Evans – Visit me at www.arkayevans.com
Blessings to all, and keep your peace!