BULLY

www.allaboutbulliesbigandsmall.com

From twisted, feckless, vile intent,

emerged the bully's fecal scent -

Contemptible, despicable

completely predictable;

Clammy, and stinking and miserable;

They come to brutally castrate

the joyful dreams they asphyxiate.

And of this tainted, foul, infested cognition

Great things die, dead,

Blocked

from fruition,

Then out of the cowardly muck they slither

seeking your talents and gifts to wither -

BEWARE, the self-appointed rebel

hiding and plotting for the devil,

and the foul motive queen-bee

here to rape you of your dignity,

For they fail their putrid crown

doubly destined to go down,

To the skink mire from whence they came;

Discarded, Forgotten,

Insane.

Bullying is a widespread problem that is in desperate need of a worldwide, ongoing intervention. In 2008, we all got the terrible news that 13 year old Megan Meier ended her life after being cyberbullied by 47 year old Lori Drew. This horrific incident actually occurred in my children's school district - 5 miles from our home in the quaint little town of O'Fallon. The recent Penn State allegations and the apparent groupthink that protected the abuse of authority there has shocked the world.  Today I spoke with a friend who is beyond hurt - bullied by a 'friend' who has decided to kick her to despair while she's down. The treasurer of a board I once served on, notorious for bullying many others in the industry thought he'd found a victim in me. Having already beaten this monster in my own family, he thought wrong.  This is madness.  We need to be vigilent in every community, and bystanders no longer to abuse.  From Penn State to my state, bullying and abuse of authority needs to be addressed everywhere, NOW. 

There are many initiatives addressing the subject, and I recently spoke with Ken Cowle, producer of the Grammy nominated children's album, All About Bullies Big and Small | A Creative Album to Help Stop Bullying (check them out at www.allaboutbulliesbigandsmall.com ) about this issue. This amazing compilation features some of the finest recordings from many children's artists nationwide and internationally to address the topic of "Bullying."

Most of us are familiar with the conventional definition of a bully - you know - the jerk that beats up on people smaller or weaker than them. But as we've seen, today bullying isn't just a fist fight on the playground, today we're hearning more about years upon years of abuse, and even fatalities. There are also "familiar" bullies - someone close to the victim at church or school or even at home - someone who makes you uncomfortable or forces you to keep secrets or do things you don't want to in order to earn their "friendship' or approval.  These are all examples of being bullied. A bully studies you and your state of mind, tests your need for approval, seeks your weaknesses, and enjoys your pain and reliance on conditional kindness.

If you have endured being bullied, know that whatever you decide to do in response to it can feed this monster, but you can shut it down. Decide which outcome you want, and take action by speaking out. The bully wants the victim to feel shame, guilt and isolation. Bullies love secret keepers, because they can easily trap them in their game. Familiar bullies sometimes go into rages to get what they want, but you don't have to play this game or be a victim.

We are all worthy of love, genuine friendships and mutual respect, so be sure to give where you receive.  Behavior that is seeking approval or permission can actually attract and strengthen bullies.  Bullies are usually drawn to people they think won't stand up, speak out, draw the line and stop the nonsense. Let no one isolate you, because you are not alone, and you can get help. Air their dirty laundry. Tell EVERYONE if you have to. Allow who you are to BE and take your space. Stop trying to make yourself smaller to accommodate the size of an ego or someone's sense of entitlement. Allow yourself to be inspired, find your purpose, and realize the true intent here. If you are being abused, know that how people treat you doesn't make you who you are.

It can be a very tangled web where bullying and abuse of authority are present, but you have the right and responsibility to protect yourself by informing others.  Speaking out defends your right to a quality life. As a counselor, I have found that bullies often raise cowards...or more bullies, leaving both victims of this horrid mutation with the task of unlearning social withdrawl or even sociopathic habits, and then slowly learning to trust, and the ability to show love to another. Without correction, this cycle only continues, and gets worse. It's true that life isn't fair and that sometimes life is pain, but I must insist - the suffering is optional.

If you see bullying, resist the urge to ignore and report it.  If you are being bullied or have found yourself in a situation where authority is being abused, talk to someone - talk to EVERYONE, but don't own the issues of an abuser.  You are worthy of love and protection.  Have faith, speak up, and speak out to fight back.  Take it higher.  Take it as high as you have to, but don't settle for being a victim.  Your life has value, and it can be beautiful.

© 2010 arkay evans