How to Beat Holiday Depression

Give the Gift of Love.

Been hearing a little of this lately? “Merry Christmas!” “Happy Holidays!” Well, of course you have - this is the most wonderful time of the year, when Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus; when families and friends of all faiths come together to share good cheer. Everywhere you go there is the air of Christmas joy. Yet behind the cheer thre still lies a silence louder than bombs – the silence of depression.

Every first aid kit should include suggestions of positive ways to effectively fight depression. There are still many of us who don’t want to talk about IT, as if ignoring IT makes IT go away. We could all use a little patience and compassion here, because despite the lingering resistance to acknowledge depression, it is an ailment that affects millions of Americans, and it is in fact, very real.

Because depression is treated as a secret to deny, I decided to take a moment to snatch the sheets off and air this common dirt. I mean, how did the elephant get in the room? With our world in the midst of financial crisis, many of us don’t have the means to provide the material gifts that we are used to sharing with friends and loved ones. Some of us are shell shocked by the fact that while it was only a few years ago that we were giving to the needy, now we are the needy. Over and over we play it in our minds – the mistakes we made, the money we wasted and should have saved, or the loved ones we’ve lost and the collectors at the front door…the list goes on and on. These are some serious challenges, bleeding like internal lacerations. Would you ignore or put a bandage on an injury like that? No you wouldn’t. You would go and get some help.

It’s ok if you’re feeling blue. It’s what you DO about it that matters. How we respond to stress determines the resulting state of mind. As a person who survived a near fatal accident, I still bear physical scars of that unfortunate circumstance, but I’ve learned that through prayer, meditation and physical exercise, I can fight back and beat it. Depression is a consequence, and how we choose to respond to the challenge can trigger the hormonal imbalance that allows this anvil to drop on the mind. Know that even in the midst of an internal storm, Love conquers all. And here’s the deal about faith: You have to believe for this thing to work. Now for those of us who feel dismissive, never mind the organized religion debate – This is about Love – and allowing that Love to come into your heart and mind to work through you. The truth is, you have to MOVE to restore this balance and demand the quality of life you’re worthy of. Without your effort, depression will take you out. You are a child of God, and I KNOW you’re not going out like that.

Fight back. Get up. This challenge presents an opportunity to get stronger, but if your eyes are down and your tail is tucked, you’ll never see it. No money for gifts this year? Remember The Jackson 5 song, and when you wish you could give more, give Love on Christmas day. Make sugar cookies with cute little red ribbons to tie the packages. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. Move yourself to spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are. If you want to avoid something, avoid the insensitive, judgmental folks and let Love take depression head-on. But you have to have faith. Trust that love will show you the way from darkness to the light in your life. Problems won’t magically go away, but a lighter mind finds solutions. Look up for the eyes of the love around you. Love yourself enough to seek help, then love some more to help another. I think that’s what Jesus would want for his birthday. Because we’re all in this together. And in the end, the only thing worth holding onto, is one another. Much Love everyone, and have a Merry Christmas.

BULLY

www.allaboutbulliesbigandsmall.com

From twisted, feckless, vile intent,

emerged the bully's fecal scent -

Contemptible, despicable

completely predictable;

Clammy, and stinking and miserable;

They come to brutally castrate

the joyful dreams they asphyxiate.

And of this tainted, foul, infested cognition

Great things die, dead,

Blocked

from fruition,

Then out of the cowardly muck they slither

seeking your talents and gifts to wither -

BEWARE, the self-appointed rebel

hiding and plotting for the devil,

and the foul motive queen-bee

here to rape you of your dignity,

For they fail their putrid crown

doubly destined to go down,

To the skink mire from whence they came;

Discarded, Forgotten,

Insane.

Bullying is a widespread problem that is in desperate need of a worldwide, ongoing intervention. In 2008, we all got the terrible news that 13 year old Megan Meier ended her life after being cyberbullied by 47 year old Lori Drew. This horrific incident actually occurred in my children's school district - 5 miles from our home in the quaint little town of O'Fallon. The recent Penn State allegations and the apparent groupthink that protected the abuse of authority there has shocked the world.  Today I spoke with a friend who is beyond hurt - bullied by a 'friend' who has decided to kick her to despair while she's down. The treasurer of a board I once served on, notorious for bullying many others in the industry thought he'd found a victim in me. Having already beaten this monster in my own family, he thought wrong.  This is madness.  We need to be vigilent in every community, and bystanders no longer to abuse.  From Penn State to my state, bullying and abuse of authority needs to be addressed everywhere, NOW. 

There are many initiatives addressing the subject, and I recently spoke with Ken Cowle, producer of the Grammy nominated children's album, All About Bullies Big and Small | A Creative Album to Help Stop Bullying (check them out at www.allaboutbulliesbigandsmall.com ) about this issue. This amazing compilation features some of the finest recordings from many children's artists nationwide and internationally to address the topic of "Bullying."

Most of us are familiar with the conventional definition of a bully - you know - the jerk that beats up on people smaller or weaker than them. But as we've seen, today bullying isn't just a fist fight on the playground, today we're hearning more about years upon years of abuse, and even fatalities. There are also "familiar" bullies - someone close to the victim at church or school or even at home - someone who makes you uncomfortable or forces you to keep secrets or do things you don't want to in order to earn their "friendship' or approval.  These are all examples of being bullied. A bully studies you and your state of mind, tests your need for approval, seeks your weaknesses, and enjoys your pain and reliance on conditional kindness.

If you have endured being bullied, know that whatever you decide to do in response to it can feed this monster, but you can shut it down. Decide which outcome you want, and take action by speaking out. The bully wants the victim to feel shame, guilt and isolation. Bullies love secret keepers, because they can easily trap them in their game. Familiar bullies sometimes go into rages to get what they want, but you don't have to play this game or be a victim.

We are all worthy of love, genuine friendships and mutual respect, so be sure to give where you receive.  Behavior that is seeking approval or permission can actually attract and strengthen bullies.  Bullies are usually drawn to people they think won't stand up, speak out, draw the line and stop the nonsense. Let no one isolate you, because you are not alone, and you can get help. Air their dirty laundry. Tell EVERYONE if you have to. Allow who you are to BE and take your space. Stop trying to make yourself smaller to accommodate the size of an ego or someone's sense of entitlement. Allow yourself to be inspired, find your purpose, and realize the true intent here. If you are being abused, know that how people treat you doesn't make you who you are.

It can be a very tangled web where bullying and abuse of authority are present, but you have the right and responsibility to protect yourself by informing others.  Speaking out defends your right to a quality life. As a counselor, I have found that bullies often raise cowards...or more bullies, leaving both victims of this horrid mutation with the task of unlearning social withdrawl or even sociopathic habits, and then slowly learning to trust, and the ability to show love to another. Without correction, this cycle only continues, and gets worse. It's true that life isn't fair and that sometimes life is pain, but I must insist - the suffering is optional.

If you see bullying, resist the urge to ignore and report it.  If you are being bullied or have found yourself in a situation where authority is being abused, talk to someone - talk to EVERYONE, but don't own the issues of an abuser.  You are worthy of love and protection.  Have faith, speak up, and speak out to fight back.  Take it higher.  Take it as high as you have to, but don't settle for being a victim.  Your life has value, and it can be beautiful.

© 2010 arkay evans

A Brand New Devil

Yes, yes, yes...I know.  Many, many people don't believe as I do.  As a poet and woman of faith, I am also a spiritual narcissist with no time or interest in controlling the beliefs of others.  I've never needed people to believe as me to love them - my faith is my freedom, and I express to pay that freedom forward.  My faith does not designate, sell, excuse or defend - it is quite simply me - doing what I do - development through my craft. 

I included this little precursor to the poem 'A Brand New Devil' because so many are disturbed by an individual expression of faith.  I find it both odd and inexplicably stupid when using God's name to swear is cool with people, but saying God's name as a simple expression of faith and hope irritates the hell (literally) out of them. It's laughable to presume that anything I write or blog is somehow designed for some twisted level of religious recruitment. If you've ever thought that about my work, get ovah ya-self already.  It's not about you, shoot - I'm still pushing the door that says 'pull' half the time.

There are so many different faiths in the world - and as we all know, there are people who say that their God has told them to hurt or even kill others. My question to that is always the same - if God is love, what's the point of a love that you'd hate and kill for?  THAT'S some logic to pray about. Then there are those who think all this yap about evil being among us (in a supernatural sense) is all bunk, at best.  How bout those minions?  You think there are none? Oh contrare. There is always a minion skulking at every turn.  Now if I say there's always some miserable jerk who wants to undermine your joy, your life, and even your contribution, most people understand and some even agree with the insult.  I prefer the explanation of this biblical description:  "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  Ephesians 6: 12.

Minions come in all forms.  They can range from control freaks who have GOT to be right to be happy, to your average Joe sociopath just chillin' at the job site and tripping nerds, or hiding in the church house smiling and waiting for the day when they can gain a little pleasure from the pain or discomfort they cause or see in another (who they never COULD stand).  And this brings me to another truth - that the intention of a minion can sometimes be found right in the mirror.  An attitude of gratitude can get it right in check.  So, when you see those ugly moods, mosquito minions and all their joy-sucking intentions snarling from the mirror - check it quick.  When you see that minion in another miserable soul, don't reflect it - check it with a smile of gratitude for what's good and flee from such distainful creatures.  Because there are many miserable minions about with much trouble to do and too little time to do it, and nothing good can be done to confound these ugly situations but by faith. 

So I pray for you, what I need. May you be blessed with abundant patience.  May the boundaries of your faith ALWAYS protect you from harm, bring you rest, and give you the strength you need to rise, and fight another day for joy and justice.

A Brand New Devil

Oh my Patience
Please don't let me down this time,
I've come such a long, long way
and I can't fall that far behind,
Help me through the valley, Lord
Tell me how it's gonna be,
I need your heart to be my eyes
for I have come upon a darkness
I can hardly see...
I remember how the mountain can be,
The ruthless desert valley pit,
The stratospheric jagged cliffs,
I chased my dreams up to the ledge,
Excitement for the rough edge,
A fictional story, where my little world seemed to be
a friendly, harmless, raving beauty...
And Lord knows, the steepest slopes,
they go down all too fast, you know -
DAMN it is a bumpy ride;
The rocks and roots ripped at my hide,
until I landed, BOOM
like that, and laid there for a fortnight,
Absent of my vicious gall,
Love can be hard,
when it breaks a long fall...
But even then I hear your call say
Come back lover,
Here is right where you belong,
and I come running forth to you
deep within my fighting soul
just to come upon a darkness
one that I have never known...
And even then I do remember,
You told me that with every level
here comes a brand new devil,
And I relay with all of heaven in my corner
what can evil make me say?
Not a doggone thing.
For Love has taken me to and through
a mole hill or a mountain or two
and I know for sho like then as TODAY,
Love is Light
It will show me The Way

Copyright © 2011 Arkay Evans